My Own Story: Caregiving For Your Spouse, Three Things You Lose

And What You Can Do About It.

I have been caring for my husband, now, for coming up to ten years — close to half of our relationship and that gives me pause. Makes me try to understand whether I am doing the right thing for me.

John suffered a massive heart attack in 2013 and has not been able to work a day since because of a brain injury due to lack of oxygen during the event. It’s a very sad story because he used to define himself by his intellect. He was brilliant. I married him because he was the smartest man I had ever met. He is no longer that self-aware, though. And I really hope he doesn’t understand how much he has lost.

But I have been taking care of him since. He needs supervision — not constantly. But if he’s in the shower or making food, you want to be around. He forgets things, he doesn’t shower properly. He needs to be reminded of almost everything.

I decided that I would do my level best to keep him out of a long-term care facility, but it’s been a bit difficult. He’s had the best rehab a person could ask for and he does well because, heck, that brain is still that brain — but it’s not the ability to do things that is the problem in some brain injury. It’s the remembering. It’s the gumption. If left alone, John would just sit and sit and sit.